Introduction
Have you ever seen a woman who always appears to be cool, calm, and collected? She always appears pulled together. Her outward appearance is spot on no matter what she wears. She could be dressed in a blue dress, wearing matching pumps and carrying her Tote and Carry® satchel. She might be wearing sweats for a quick run to the grocery store to pick up a seasoning. Her attire is not what draws you to her. It is the look on her face. It looks peaceful and at ease. Her entire aura exudes calm. Cool, calm and collected.
You rarely feel cool, calm and collected. Internally you feel frazzled and edgy. Do you wonder how she does it? Is she, like you, calm on the outside and full of turmoil on the inside? You’ve tried to reach a state of natural calm, but you have never figured out how. Admittedly, you are overwhelmed and approaching burnout.
What does the cool, calm and collected woman have that you do not? What method does she use to keep herself at peace?
In this blog post, we are going to explore 3 uncommon ways that cool women use to break free from overwhelming stress.
They Tame Their Thoughts
Cool, calm and collected women understand that their thought life influences the way they feel. Consequently, how we feel impacts how we interact with the world. When we receive a gift, we think “oh boy, this person likes me.” This thought causes us to have pleasurable feelings about ourselves. We therefore learn to associate gifts with pleasure. This association becomes so strong that we overlook the initial thought we have each time we receive a gift. The thought passes quickly, and we move almost immediately to experience the pleasurable feeling.
Likewise, negative thoughts contribute to negative feelings. We engage in self-judgment and believe our thoughts even if the facts show otherwise. This type of thinking can be characterized as all or nothing, jumping to conclusions, fortune telling or negatively focused.
They Re-frame Their Feelings
Feelings play a major role in the development of our belief system. Remember, receiving gifts caused us to think that we were liked. Over time, this thought is repeated and becomes part of our belief system. The same is true about negative about negative thoughts. Experiences or encounters that are viewed negatively lead us to develop a belief system that may or may not serve us well.
For example, you may believe “my boss is out to get me.” Based on past experiences. The belief plays like a recording on loop in your subconscious mind. This is the brain’s attempt to provide information, prepare you for the unknown and to protect you from harm. Unfortunately, that part of the brain only deals with data. It cannot discern truth from fiction.
As a result, we may find ourselves stewing over internal beliefs or feelings that are not factual in the situation. Cool, calm and collected women understand that they can reassess their response to determine whether their feelings are relevant to the current situation.
They Let Go
The key to the peace these women express is the ability to let go of thoughts, feelings and beliefs that do not serve them well. Worry, fear, anger, sadness are a few of the feelings that contribute to high stress levels. They focus our attention on the negative.
Cool women practice methods to avoid dwelling on thoughts, feelings or beliefs that may not be factual. I found the following activity on the Mindful.org website in the article A Simple Inquiry Practice to Unwind from Stress It was adapted from the book Start Here: Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing by Eric Langsur and Nate Klemp, PhD.
Begin by noticing what you feel. Take a moment. You may do this with negative or positive feelings. Pay particular attention to those moments when negative feelings arise.
Once you spend a few moments considering the feeling, begin to ask yourself a few questions. Asking these questions will shift the narrative in your brain. “How will this experience help me to grow?” “What can I learn from this situation?” This type of inquiry changes the situation from a threat to a challenge.
Finally, spend a few moments thinking about the new perspective you have gained by simply asking a question and pondering the possibilities. Possibilities excite us and help to change our perspective.
M.L. Bailey Consultants helps women who work in service industry professions live healthy lives through strategic stress management. We encourage you to TAKE THE QUIZ – Are you Blessed, Stressed or Burned Out? to get resources and support that fit your specific stress management needs.
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