It happened again. My phone rang. I saw the caller’s name on the caller ID. My eyes closed as I shook my head and said, “now what does she want?” I tried to stop myself from reacting in this way. Yes, I too, need to work on limiting negative automatic reactions. When I realized that I had already reacted, I allowed myself to complete the reaction. Then, I took a deep breath, refocused my attention and answered the phone.
A PHONE CALL
The person called in response to an email I sent about five minutes earlier. I could not predict their reaction or what they would require of me. This increased my stress level. The call was not the issue. My reaction and my stress level was born out of past experiences with this person. Contact always raises uncertainty in my mind. Uncertainty brings about the stress response.
In this blog post, I will talk about the connection between memories, thoughts, and the stress response.
The stress response is triggered by stimuli received through our five senses. Everything we see, touch, taste, smell or hear goes to the brain. The brain interprets the information and determines what to do with it. Information is categorized or labeled for future use or for storage. As the brain interprets and catalogues information, it also determines whether the information poses a threat.
AN EXAMPLE
For example, if you ever burned yourself as you cooked, you remember the incident each time you cook. The incident may be connected to cooking in general or to the item that was cooked. It may also be connected to the types or arrangement of the appliances. Finally, the incident may be associated with the degree of pain experienced. The brain interpreted the incident as a threat and used the memory of the incident as a warning to be careful.
Recalling this memory caused you to consciously think about the consequences of the previous incident. These thoughts contributed to feelings about the incident and the outcome. Consequently, the feelings influenced your stress level and the actions you took. This in turn led you to take precautions to prevent another accidental burn.
HOW DO YOU REMEMBER INTERACTIONS?
How does this relate to interactions with people? The same principles apply. We have thoughts about the interaction. “Wow, this was a pleasant conversation.” “This person is very nice.” “I enjoyed this conversation.” We might also have undesirable thoughts about the interaction. “This person is so negative.” “Their tone is harsh and it frightens me.” “This person is demanding.”
Thoughts about the interaction cause us to experience feelings. When an interaction is pleasant, we might feel joyful, happy, or content. When it is negative, we might feel bored, uncomfortable, or angry. These thoughts and feelings become part of our memories.
MEMORIES ENCOURAGE THINKING
What happens when we remember an interaction that was uncomfortable? The memory triggers thoughts of the interaction. The thoughts then cause us to experience the same feelings we felt during the actual interaction. The stress response initiates in preparation of another unpleasant experience. Essentially, we emotionally prepare to fight or flee.
What type of interactions are you having that cause increased stress? How often do the memories of these interactions trigger your stress response? I hope that you will continue to follow as we continue to discuss the hidden and underlying causes of stress.
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