How a New Kind of Thinking Can Help You Destress

What do you think about throughout the day? The answer to that question is lots of things. What is the tone and nature of most of your thoughts? Now, you may need a little more time to answer that question. We all think a variety of thoughts throughout the day. Some thoughts are noticeable or in our conscious mind. Some thoughts are not recognized or unconscious.

Regardless of what we think, few actively consider the tone and nature of those thoughts.

This week’s blog post will begin to explore the effect thoughts have on stress and the stress response.
Consider this scenario. You are sitting at your desk writing a report. Hunched over, head in hand, concentrating, you try to find the best way to word a sentence. The phone rings. The extension and name on the screen cause you to roll your eyes, wrinkle your forehead and nose. You close your eyes and sigh. Reluctantly, feeling frustrated, you answer the call.

Here is another scenario. You are baking a cake only to realize that an ingredient is missing. As you leave to run to the grocery store. A neighbor comes out waving at you. Your neighbor is a nice, older lady who loves to have long conversations at the wrong time. You politely tell her that you need to run, but she starts talking and will not let you leave.

What Feelings Can You Imagine Having?

What feelings can you imagine having because of these situations? Frustration? Anger? Stress? Perhaps these situations cause all three. Would you be surprised to learn that thoughts trigger feelings? If I told you to feel frustrated, you would probably think of a situation or event to feel that emotion. Can you feel happy spontaneously without thinking of something that makes you happy?

Events cause us to think. Thinking creates a feeling. Feelings influence stress levels.

This concept is based on a principle used in cognitive behavior therapy. The concept is that an event occurs. The event initiates a thought. As a result of the thought, we begin to feel an emotion. The emotion, then, leads to action.

A hidden cause of stress is the tone and nature of our daily thoughts. To address our thoughts in a healthy manner, we must notice them. We should become aware of what we think, what triggered the thought and the tone and nature of the thought.

Curiosity facilitates awareness.

Use the following questions to facilitate curiosity and awareness of thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself what:

• Triggered the emotion I am feeling?
• Did I think before I felt the emotion?
• Caused me to think those things?
• Could I have done instead?

Using these questions, let us look at the first scenario and address it in a mindful way. You were deep in thought and concentrating on the report when the phone rang. You looked at the name on the caller ID and the extension. This caused a reaction. We will once again ask the “what” questions.

• What triggered the emotion? “The phone call.”
• What did you think before you felt the emotion? “I hate talking to this person.” (unconscious thought) “The interruption will ruin my concentration.” (conscious thought)
• What caused me to think those things? “My deadline to finish the report is approaching.”
• What could I have done instead? “Send the call to voicemail.” “Activate the do not disturb or in a meeting button on my phone.”

I am showing working women step by step how to development a personal mission statement during “Stress Talk” Live with Marcyline Bailey. This 30 minute program is broadcast every Sunday at 4pm on the M.L Bailey Consultants Facebook page and on YouTube. Join us weekly.

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“Here is to your sustainable, successful and satisfying stress managed life.”
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