Historians credit Julius Caesar for coining the phrase “experience is a good teacher.” Experience has taught me how to limit negative stress while dealing with difficulties. We naturally function with a moderate amount of stress daily. It motivates us to take actions that are in our best interests. The negative effects of this moderate level of stress is limited by the routines we create and follow.
For example, many of us get up at a certain time every morning. Waking up at the same time gives us ample time to get to work or to get our child to school. We thrive on routines because they provide stability and predictability. When unexpected situations occur, they initiate an immediate stress response.
The stress response according to Dr. Hans Seyle is “the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it.”
Physical changes occur with the onset of the stress response. The heart begins to beat harder and faster. Muscles tighten and breathing becomes short and shallow. The digestive system slows which may contribute to the feeling of butterflies in the stomach or nausea. There may be a feeling of lightheadedness or the beginning of a headache.
A difficult situation may present in different ways. First, it could be sudden and unexpected like a car accident. Second, it could present in the form of a tense conversation. Third, a difficult situation may create and maintain ongoing pressure.
Because the stress response is automatic, we cannot control when or how it starts. We can, however, manage our response to the situation which will regulate the duration of the stress response. This is what I have learned to do. Here is how I deal with difficult situations.
Breathe
The first thing I do is breathe. Breathing is by far the best technique for settling the stress response. When we take slow, long breaths, we reset the mechanisms that initiate the stress response. The stress response is a physical response to an unspecified demand. Body functions shift in preparation to fight or flee. As a result, the stress response causes breathing to become shallow and rapid.
Taking slow deep breaths will return breathing to its natural cadence. The heart rate slows and returns to normal. Deep breathing also allows muscles to release tension and relax. I make a conscious decision to focus exclusively on my breathing. If a thought pops into my head, I acknowledge it and let it go. Once my body returns to a relaxed or somewhat relaxed state, I move to the next step.
Objective Thinking
I approach the situation from an objective point of view. Although I acknowledge my feelings about the situation, I avoid dwelling on them. The stress response prevents clear thinking. This is one reason returning to one’s natural state is so important when dealing with a difficult situation. Objective thinking allows for logical, analytical reasoning.
I concentrate on the facts of the situation. Subjective thoughts and projections are unproductive and tend to elevate the stress response. I also avoid anyone or anything that might contribute to unnecessary worries or concerns regarding the situation. Objective thinking allows me to accurately assess the situation and to develop a plan to address it.
Avoid Wallowing in Emotions
Fluctuating emotions also contribute to the stress response. Focusing on the facts of the situation help to maintain stability. Keeping emotions even is difficult because we sometimes feed off emotions. I acknowledge my feelings but avoid dwelling and stewing in them while addressing the situation.
Sometimes I must take time to stew before I can gain control over my emotions. I will take that time and then move on.
Assess Situation and Develop a plan
M.L. Bailey Consultants always begins with an assessment. When I am personally dealing with a difficult situation, I objectively assess the situation. I base my assessment on the facts. This helps me to understand the situation and its cause. At that point, I am in a better position to determine what is needed to alleviate the concern.
Additionally, I also develop a plan based on factual data and request assistance from those I know and trust. Once the plan is implemented, I reassess each step to determine effectiveness. If it is not working, I adjust.
How do you deal with difficult situations?
“I want to be happy, whole, satisfied and successful. What about you?”
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