Stressed and Circling the Wagons did not Work for Me

Thirteen years ago, my husband and I were in financial ruin. We had just finished building a house and then because of decisions we each made, both of us were unemployed at the same time. Life was ugly and it hurt. To compound the situation my husband was about to contend with a serious health issue which, in fact, changed our lives.

The emotional and mental strain that I personally experienced was compounded by my desire to shield our young children from the devastating stress. We went through so much that I still have a difficult time sharing it in an open forum such as this. It actually has taken us years to recover financially and emotionally.

I thought that the only way to deal with our situation was to circle the wagons and to not let anyone in. I did not tell our closest friends about our trouble. I shared very little with our parents, who were willing to help us. I was embarrassed that we were in such a deep hole with no way out.

I was out of work for a couple of months before I was hired by an organization. A friend suggested that I apply and I was hired on the spot. My paycheck was smaller, but we had benefits, including medical insurance. That in itself was a miracle because of the health issues we were about to face.

Our lights and phone would get cut off once a month during our struggle. I remember calling home just to see if I would get a recording saying the phone was not in service. I also remember crying uncontrollably when I did not get an expense check I desperately needed. That was the day that Judy and I became friends.

Judy and I worked together. She was the receptionist/secretary for the department in which we worked. She saw me crying and asked what she could do to help. I explained that I turned my expense report in on time and that I needed the money. I shared the struggles that my husband and I were having. She urged me to call the administration office to ask for the check and to explain the reason. I was too embarrassed, fearful, tired, or you name it. I could not. Judy called them for me. She told me that she called and that I would have a check the very next day. I did.

When you are overwhelmed by stress, you cannot think clearly.

I only knew one way to deal with difficult situations back then. When things got out of control, I would circle the wagons and block everyone out. Blocking everyone out was not healthy. Occasionally, Judy brought us dinner or gift cards. She always gave me a shoulder to cry on when I needed. She was kind and supportive. She listened and encouraged my family and me. I learned an important lesson from her. It was okay to ask for help.

I was a wreck until I started asking for and accepting help and support.

The third step in the R.E.S.T. System of Stress Relief is “Enlist Help or Support.” In the near future, I will share ways that you can ask for and receive the help or support you need. In the meantime, let me know what you think about this series and the R.E.S.T System of Stress Relief. Shoot me an email marcyline@happyhalfhour.club

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