Tears rolling down my cheeks and crying at the top of my lungs, I hollered “God, oh my God… why…why… hast thou forsaken me!” I stood in the Waffle House parking lot wailing. The patrons and workers walked out watching me pace; clutch my chest and wail. I looked to the heavens and wailed. I bent over at the waist and wailed. The cries came from the depth of my stomach through my lungs and I could not stop them. My anguish, pain, hurt, disappointment all came out and I had no shame. The 911 operator kept asking if I was hurt and offered to send the rescue squad. I was hurt, but no rescue squad could heal the pain that I felt at that very moment.
The 911 operator had no idea that my husband was hospitalized and facing another surgery. She did not know that I had worked all day and was just starting the two hour route of our family’s delivery business. The only reason I was doing the route that night was because my hubby had been hospitalized that day. Our family was facing an unknown medical outcome.
She had no idea that 2015 was the year for major house repairs in our home. The cost included repairs on two water heaters, the roof and the complete replacement of our heating and cooling system. She did not know that my mother-in-law had experienced a stroke in April and was living in an assisted living facility in our community. Daily my mother-in-law packed her belongings insisting that she was going home.
The 911 operator did not know that I had not visited my own 80 year old mother in months. Every time I attempted, something happened. As she listened to my wailing, she had no idea that I also needed to move my office to a different location and the pressure I was under to find something reasonably priced. My business had stalled and no income was coming in. She had no idea that we had replaced full sets of tires for our vehicles and my mother’s vehicle this year. How much did that cost? I cannot remember at this point.
The 911 operator had no knowledge that our daughters were involved in an accident the previous week returning home from a high school football game. She did not know that I had been accident free for 30 years until I backed into a cement pole at the Waffle House in a rental car.
That night felt like the punch line to a cruel joke and I was the butt of the joke. I entered 2015 praying for and expecting wonderful blessings. Instead we received one attack after another. Right after the accident, I felt like ‘just put me in a coffin because I am done; it is over; bury me as is.’
When the officer arrived, the 911 operator dismissed me by saying “you can hang up now.” I am sure she thought I was over-reacting. The patrol officer was indifferent and detached. His presentation and attitude suggested that I was wasting his time. Perhaps he was being cautious not knowing what to expect from the woman who was wailing in the parking lot. Perhaps he would have been more invested in a car chase. Either way, he was a wet sock to me. Useless.
This passage was an excerpt from a blog post I wrote at the end of 2015. My life at that time was full of doubt, anger and sadness. I was in total despair; I was also overwhelmed with stress. Throughout the day, my heart would beat so hard that I felt like it would beat out of my chest. My head hurt and my arms felt numb. My personal stress response was responding constantly due to the circumstances in my life. I felt as if I was under attack and my body was constantly prepared to fight or flee.
I know that other women have had similar experiences of handling unexpected potentially life changing events. Rarely are these events experienced in isolation. They compound in a way that emotionally and mentally stable (strong) women buckle under the weight.
The phrase I use to describe this type of ongoing stress is “One Thing after Another.” Pressure caused by events in our lives compounds the stress we feel. In Stress is Personal: Your Personal Starter Guide to Stress Relief, I describe the different types of stress that a person experiences.
These are Elated or Excited, Productive or Action Oriented, Constant Ongoing, One Thing after Another, Aggravating Little Things or Juggling.
One Thing after Another can be demonstrated by holding a reference book with two hands like a tray. The reference book represents a potentially life changing event. You could hold one reference book for quite a while without much difficulty. So it is with life. We can manage one life event by using our coping skills.
Life is not static and another potentially life changing event occurs. This can be demonstrated by holding two reference books. The books are heavier and put more strain on your hands and arms. You adjust to the weight, shifting your stance, locking your elbows to allow the books to be held. When another event occurs, you naturally make adjustment in order to handle the weight of the additional stress.
Life is so unpredictable, and another potentially life changing event occurs, followed by another. This is represented by the addition of two more reference books. By now, you are probably holding four reference books. The books are heavy; your arms feel uncomfortable and tired. By holding the increased weight for a long period of time, you risk damaging your arm muscles and ligaments. You cannot adjust any more to accommodate the weight or strain. Either the books fall or you injure yourself trying to hold on.
One Thing after Another stress causes such strain on our emotional and mental well-being that it damages our ability to function effectively. We lose the ability to think clearly and minor upsets cause emotional breakdowns.
You don’t have to wail in a parking lot to relieve your stress. There are many ways to relieve stress, even when experiencing One Thing after Another.
Stress is Personal: Your Personal Starter Guide to Stress Relief is the starter guide I wrote to help you develop advantageous ways to deal with your personal stress. Download your free copy by clicking this link. A print version of Stress is Personal: Your Personal Starter Guide to Stress Relief is available on Magcloud Publishing by following this link.
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