“How do I make friends?”
I sat for a moment, pondering her question. Therapists are supposed to have all the answers. Right? She was not the first female client who shared that her support system had drastically changed. The one person she depended on for good counsel, listening ears, and occasional financial support had transitioned.
“I don’t know how to make friends. No one is like her.”
I continued to sit, waiting for inspiration. The question was deeper than the stated words. She really wanted to know how to recreate the support she believed was lost.
“So how do I make friends?”
Like many therapists, I reframed the question and presented it to her.
“How have you made friends in the past?”
We are conditioned to focus on wellness. Wellness is defined as actively pursuing quality physical or mental health. Companies invest in the wellness of employees by offering health insurance and benefits. Some companies promote wellness activities like step challenges, vegetable eating challenges, or sleep challenges. As a result, employees hear many messages to encourage healthy lifestyles.
We also hear and see repetitive television messaging related to health. The messages encourage healthy eating, exercising, and paying close attention to mental and emotional status.
Wellness is a component of wellbeing.
Wellbeing covers the subjective feelings we have regarding the various areas of life. The areas include work, finances, relationships, health, and community.
My client struggled because she lost a significant relationship. She could not imagine building a similar relationship. Consequently, she felt sad, discouraged, and down. These feelings were pervasive. Although she was physically present at work, she was emotionally and mentally absent.
A supportive social network helps when faced with difficult times. Support circles often include family, close friends, and colleagues. Social support networks provide several types of support.
Emotional support affirms an individual’s self-worth. It is demonstrated by listening and validating feelings. A friend who shares advice or information provides informational support. This includes connecting friends with resources.
Sharing materials or financial assistance is a type of tangible support. A family member who babysits or brings a casserole over when you are sick gives you tangible support.
Belonging to a group may be categorized as a type of support as well.
Cultivating relationships can be difficult as we age. It is important to actively develop meaningful relationships with new people as we get older.
How to make friends is a major question.
An effective way to make friends is by participating in activities that you enjoy. Some enjoy volunteering. Schools, hospitals, animal rescues all benefit from having dedicated volunteers.
Joining a fitness center allows you to meet people with similar fitness interests. Many people go to the gym at the same time daily. You will see and interact with the same people. This creates an environment that is conducive for making friends.
Consider taking a class at the local community college or technical school. These facilities often offer low cost or free courses. The local library also sponsors or hosts events that are open to the public. My library hosts a weekly conversational Spanish group. I plan to add it to my weekly fun activities.
As previously stated, start with activities that you enjoy. Also consider trying something new. If you are struggling to make friends or build your network, consider joining a support group.
Be genuinely yourself. Allow yourself to appear open to making friends or starting new relationships. Allow others to see how much you enjoy the activity or event. Additionally, share your knowledge or interest in the topic.
Connect with others who have similar interests.
Once your new relationships begin to grow, stay in touch with your new connections. Avoid competing with them. Enjoy the relationship without feeling jealous or envious. Provide support by listening to your friends. True friends will return the favor. Also show appreciation.
Building a long-lasting support system does not have to be difficult. You can do it one friendship at a time.
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